The inimitable J.J. Gittes of As Little As Possible grabbed my flag in the no-tackle game of internet memes. The subject has something to do with movies, about which I am no expert.
1. Popcorn or candy?
It doesn't matter, so long as it's smuggled into the theater from my home popper or the local convenience store.
2. Name a movie you've been meaning to see forever.
The Godfather Trilogy
3. You are given the power to recall one Oscar. Who loses theirs and to whom?
I don't really care, I just like to see who shows up drunk to pull a Faith Hill. That said, and I've never told anyone this, I thought Forrest Gump was totally stupid and long. Since Mr. Hollywood Hanks already won one the year before, I'd have to take his and give it to Morgan Freeman for The Shawshank Redemption. If choosing between Forrest Gump on TBS and Shawshank on TNT, I'll go Shawshank every time. Marisa Tomei definitely gets to keep hers.
4. Steal one costume from a movie for your wardrobe. Which will it be?
I hate costume movies, but love to wear costumes myself. I'll have to pick something I haven't seen. Wait. Moulin Rouge! I saw that! Those are very fun outfits.
5. Your favorite film franchise is...
Tough one. I can't decide between Short Circuit, Ghostbusters, or the Karate Kid. I've got to wax on and pick The Karate Kid.
6. Invite five movie people over for dinner. Who are they? Why'd you invite them? What do you feed them?
Bill Murray: From What About Bob to Zissou, I love the man's choices. I doubt he'd come.
The Coen Brothers: Because of Raising Arizona, Fargo, and Oh, Brother.
Jack Nicholson: Because I'd like to see the epitome of cool up close.
Tom Cruise: Because I'd like to see crazy up close.
Julie Andrews: Because she's one of my favorite things.
If I had these people over for dinner, I doubt I'd be able to cook or eat anything.
7. What is the appropriate punishment for people who answer cell phones in the movie theater?
Do people really do that? What he said.
8. Choose a female bodyguard: Ripley from Aliens. Mystique from X-Men. Sarah Connor from Terminator 2. The Bride from Kill Bill. Mace from Strange Days.
I don't know any of those bodyguards. If I could choose anyone, though, I'd say, "Forget Kevin Costner, I'm hiring Whitney Houston."
9. What's the scariest thing you've ever seen in a movie?
That stupid, stupid girl saying Candyman for the fifth time in front of the mirror.
10. Your favorite genre (excluding comedy and drama) is?
Is black comedy different from just plain comedy? Doesn't everything fit into one or both of these? The drier the humor, the better.
11. You are given the power to greenlight movies at a major studio for one year. How do you wield this power?
I wouldn't let anyone who appears in US Weekly to also appear in a film.
12. Bonnie or Clyde?
They can be separated?
13. Who are you tagging to answer this survey?
Anyone who wants to.