Jul 15, 2006

A Mission Impossible Recreation; Hot Edition

The Mission
1. Arrive at Maryland Lawyers for the Arts in Baltimore by 11:00am.
2. Drive 2.7 miles from MLA to the American Visionary Art Museum; look around in there.
3. Make it home.

The Obstacles

1. It's hot. Really really hot. Forget Prada, even the devil's naked in front of a fan today.
2. A 12 year old car without air conditioning.
3. One absent-minded moment.
4. Severe sweating and dehydration. One 7-11 without restrooms.Thank Heaven my @$$.
5. One much-too-rapidly-melting popsicle.

The Details

Part A Number 1: Getting to MLA Meeting
I left my home at 9:30am and started thinking about how sad I'd be if World War III has begun and about how funny Jon Stewart is with his "crazy front" weather report (Emotional Weather). I totally missed the turn off I-495 to I-95, a necessary step in getting to Baltimore.

About 45 minutes later I snapped out of the doomsday drivel and found myself south of DC, still on the beltway. I called to tell my appointment I'd be very very late. Minus 100 points. She had forgotten I was coming at all. Plus 100 points. Lucky save.

Without air conditioning but including an extra 3 hours in the car, I looked like I had just left the front row of the Shamu show; desperate for potable air and a bathroom. Finally, the oasis that is 7-11 entered the horizon. After determining the employees in this building have to just hold it for their shifts, I stood under (and understood) the cool vent while pretending to be enthralled with the Slurpee selection for 20 minutes. This only mildly slowed the sweat glands. I purchased 2 bottles of water, both of which were too hot to drink by the time I got to the car.

Back on the road, my country is demanding I shed a tear for it and I find sweet sweet release in the cool Save-A-Lot. Then I pretended to be shopping for frozen foods by jumping into the freezer.


Had my meeting. Part A number 1 of the Mission accomplished, 2 hours late and disheveled.

Parts B number 2 and C number 3 After the Jump

Part B Number 2: The American Visionary Museum
Like Benny and the Jets, AVAM is weird and wonderful. It's a "National Museum, repository, and education center for the best in original, self-taught artistry." I took a couple photos of the outside art:

Now, we all love the gift shop the most, but have varying degrees of being able to admit it. This is hands down the best museum shop (Sideshow) I've ever been in. It was seemingly created for a person my age to bring back great memories of childhood toys. I bought this:

Remember these Happy Meal collectors' items?
I also came incredibly close to buying one of Shawn Theron's wood pieces.

(not this one)
AVAM also houses an enormous bra ball and has a 5 star water fountain.

Part B number 2 accomplished, relatively unscathed except for sensory overload.

Part C number 3: Make it home.
Once more into the heat, dear friends, I reluctantly stepped into the vehicle for 50 miles to coolness. Feeling panicky thirsty and needing gas, I exited where the signs told me I could get some.

Talk about your false advertising! How much did this gas station pay the highway people to get a sign there? It was 10 miles off the exit!

I was able to procure yet more water and a blue popsicle along with my fuel when I finally arrived. You know the rest. The popsicle melted all over my hands, shirt, and seats. I poured the near-boiling water all over myself to get the sticky off with mediocre results. At 7pm, 9.5 hours and 200 miles later, I finally stepped into my home shower.




Part C number 3 accomplished.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

what a Wendy day!