Jan 25, 2006

Olympics


Setting aside the obvious "DC should be a state" argument driving the District of Columbia Olympic Committee into existence, I'd like to discuss the team. Should DC be allowed to compete individually I can only assume my chances to become an Olympic athlete are as good as they ever will be.

Better yet, we should pinpoint "The Stick's" athletic prowess and get him training. You have to start young, you know.

Why stop at petitioning for a team? Why not also ask for some new sports that DC citizens will excel at?

Bringing home the Gold:
The Zone: an event wherein competitors are given $5, a destination, an upside down map, and a cab driver. The goal is to reach the destination through bargaining and navigating a senseless zoning system.
The Bullet Dodge Marathon: competitors must run through city streets while being shot at. The goal is to finish 26.2 miles without getting dead.
Lobbyist Lifting: This one involves a variety of strength events. The goal is to lift, hurl, and push more lobbyists than the competition.

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