Should have been Jewish. Not only would I have the opportunity to atone for my sins today, I wouldn't have gone to the Whole Foods lunch bar and filled up a cup with shrimp pad thai, and I wouldn't have put in a big mouthful only to taste something really not right. I wouldn't have then spit out my mouthful and found a BURNED CIGARETTE in the middle of my pad thai. If I had been Jewish I would be fasting right now.
UPDATE: I phoned in a complaint to Whole Foods. They're "disquieted" and leaving a gift certificate for lunch at customer service for me.