Aug 13, 2005

When I was in Northampton last saturday night, I went to a bar in little downtown and had a couple of martinis, but the fun didn't actually begin until the drive home. My boss (and driver) decided to stop at the 7-Eleven for some water, and as we pulled into the parking lot, a very drunk woman with little to no teeth came over to the car and asked for $1 in order to get a coffee. Sidenote - she is the second person to beg us for money SPECIFICALLY to be used to purchase coffee since we arrived. I'm thinking the locals are leaving visitors in the dark about the special contents of Northampton coffee. Anyway, my boss reached into her bag and handed the woman her dollar. We all then trekked into the world of convenience that is 7 Eleven.

I watched this woman place a cup on the coffee-making area. She then picked up the pot and began pouring. And pouring. In fact, she paid no attention to the passing of the meniscus and her cup runneth over. Unphased, she picked up the creamer and poured it on top of the overflowing coffee. She topped it and the counters off with copious amounts of sugar. You can probably guess what happened next. What coffee drinker is worth the sugar all over the counter if she doesn't violently stir? Ever conscientious, she then picked up a pile of napkins and cleaned up the concoction that didn't make it into her cup and was on her way to pay (yes, the $1 covered the price).

As we were in line to pay, no teeth coffee woman was negotiating her way out of the store and spontaneously yelled out "HOO HOO HOOTERS!!! I FORGOT TO GO TO HOOTERS TODAY!!!" This was enough for me to nearly collapse to the floor with laughter, but my boss very calmly followed the woman outside and asked her what she had just said. No teeth coffee lady looked nonplussed. My boss asked, "Did you just say something about hooters?" and the woman said "Yes. HOO HOO HOOTERS!!! I FORGOT TO GO TO HOOTERS TODAY." Both my boss and I hold wealthy endowments in the hooter area, so we'll never be sure if she was commenting on her surroundings or if she just realized she had missed an appointment.

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